Sleep.


For a guy who has spent more than half of his life sleeping this post should just end with three simple words. SLEEP IS LOVE.

So why are you bothering us with a longer one?

Because excess of time bruh! And people are stupid, give them a purple bird banging its head and they’ll go crazy. Anyways back to sleep (you see what i did there?), you might think it is important for us because biology and shit! But well give this thing a thought, you have exams next morning and you barely know the syllabus, but then optimism and so you decide to study all day and hope for some better grades and just when you pick your book up you realize there’s this 10 hour long journey called night! You suddenly feel your head heavy, eyes start to burn and you start thinking of unicorns farting rainbows and aliens playing superbowl. The next time you get into your senses is 15 minutes before the test. Congratulations, you were assfucked by sleep!

Straight up to the point, sleep restrains productivity. I really like to sleep, it takes no effort and escorts you to a wonderful world, an escape from the reality! See, sleep is a necessity to your body, but don’t you think its absence would have benefited even more to us. I just don’t feel the need of regularly going into a temporary coma. You could do a lot more stuff if it weren’t for sleep. My activity output could be maximized, since I cannot clone myself into two, I mainly have to rely on reducing the number of hours of sleep. Sometimes I feel like having a charging plug and charge myself. That would have been way more convenient than regularly letting my soul go into some astral dimension.

But don’t you think using your phone while charging is bad for the phone?

Dude! Are you even listening? Well, there also are many problems with sleeping, like trying to sleep comfortably. I just can’t seem to find a convenient sleeping position. I like to wrestle whilst asleep and that mostly ends up in neck and spinal pains! Thankfully I don’t sleep walk or that would’ve been some incredible haunting stories of me being possessed by some spirit for my family to tell everyone else and spook the shit out of them. So that are some exclusive times when I really hate to sleep. Another thing about sleep is having dreams. You can’t expect to have a dream of your choice. You can’t expect that you’ll go into sleep and you’ll fight aliens or you’ll be on a super-secret mission along with Tom Cruise or whatever! My dreams start with getting into outer space through a wormhole, except that the wormhole is a real worm having a hole through which I gotta pass to reach my destination planet. Finally when I think to give up Emma Stone shows up from behind, cheers me to go for it only to make me dream of La La Lands  and admiring her in my actual dream. Before I can even realize that I was dreaming in a dream I find myself into a fist fight with Muhammad Ali, I barely manage to beat him (hey it’s my dream, imma the boss around here) but unfortunately get my ass kicked to some Ninjas and get thrown from an airplane into a lake eaten by a shark only to wake up gasping at 3 am. I also seem to suffer from sleep paralysis, which eventually means that (google it you idiot), so most of the times I can’t even wake up from a bad dream, I just have to keep watching my intestines come out and legs torn apart until someone does the honor of waking me up or until that awe-smacking episode ends. So yeah, sleep is bad!
Over the years in my time spent as a teenager, sleep had just been another word for procrastination. Consider this *fake made up situation*

Gotta submit an assignment tomorrow after lunch.

*me the night before* “Well I can totally do it tomorrow morning.”

The next morning, 30 minutes before college.

*me after an epic light saber battle on moving train with Hitler and getting stabbed then gasping and looking at the time* “Shit! I need to hurry, except the third lecture is a proxy and I could totally write the assignment at lunch.

Falls back into pillow to avenge Hitler. 3 hours later, realizes saving the world has its own cost. But totally worth it! LOL.

Also, I snore. I snore like I have been assigned to scare kids in the neighborhood at night. So, I have to be extra careful during sleepovers or mostly I have to wait until everyone’s asleep or they’ll have to attend an awesome nasal concert for the rest of the night. (Well anyone having a secret crush on me or any future girlfriends reading this, I don’t snore. It’s –it’s just for the blog, pssst they are holding me hostage and making me write all this, please save me! And yeah I’m totally snore-proof so don’t worry, it’s nothing really.) I should probably get it checked (kidding! Got you again! Lol!). *sighs* Damn!

Finally wrapping this up, I love to sleep, it is a feeling of taking PCP (never had the privilege of it because poverty) and going deep into psychedelic mood but then, I also feel like it keeps on increasing my dopamine production that makes me addicted to it even more and hence it is not something I should have regularly and hence I really don’t like to sleep around. Despite the fact that it is the only activity I have excelled and have gained a super power of sleeping wherever the hell I want!


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