I think as a kid, as it usually goes with almost everyone, I was hypnotized into thinking that you have to be romantically attracted to someone. Because KIDS!
Every guy around was like, “Hey Bruce! -” (for a guy with Asian origin, that won’t be my name. To the topic anyways) “- tell me who do you like?”
“Umm I don’t really know. Why do you ask?”
“Okay whatever, but I’d tell you who I like if you tell me who do you like?”
And this is where you start to know the world is full of douche people. Not just because that guy asks you so, but your head doesn’t care what he’ll react to the answer but instead get tempted to know that guy’s secret! That’s right and even when you don’t really have a name, you make up one (one of my biggest mistakes). And so the conversation goes like,
“Okay yeah, but promise me you will not say it to anyone. The name is Selina, now your turn” (Selina, well I am planning to bring the whole of Gotham here soon. Anyways at this point I thought I was very smart as when he’d say whom he likes, I’ll go announce it to everyone and it will be awesome. But then it was me who got umm TRUMPED) AND HERE COMES THE BUMMER TO MY EVIL PLAN-
“Really? Hey guys! Guess who’s got a crush on Selina?” My dreams of a perfect hustle shattered. And soon the whole of 9th grade started teasing me and her for a reason which is called eternal pleasure.
Thankfully that did last long! What can you expect? (But why me god! Why me? Am I not nice enough?). So as a kid I thought it was obligatory to have someone in your mind to admire and waste your fucking precious time! Now that when you are a kid, you don’t obviously have a wide choice to choose from and moreover you are also not very sure what kind of things in a person would you like, well upon growing up everyone would develop these things based on experiences. And for a guy like me, there would be a long list like, does she likes Star Wars (the original trilogy bruh!), does she read novels, does she play video games, does she support Clinton, or does she have a good taste in music, and these things more or less tell you how much will you two get along over time. But as a kid, well let’s just be honest, everyone is pathetic in their own ways! So began the conquest of finding a right crush. At first I tended to like the popular ones, only to later realize it was way out of my league. Just like any other boy, there were times when my friends would push me into talking to a girl only because she decided to ask for a pen from me (I mean really?!). And sometimes I was like yeah I’ll go talk to her and show you how it’s done! I know it was just the heat of the moment back then, but sometimes you get lucky, you get flirted back too! And that would’ve been so proud a moment which I’d brag about for days. Now that if I have to think of anything worse than spiders it will be the suggestions my friends gave me back then, for eg – “Hey bro, she’s a great girl but I don’t think you both would do well” (This is not worse, the worst thing actually is me being dumb enough to believe them). Hence it was a hard thing to find a crush that I had no problem with and also my friends. Alas! One find day, in history class when the teacher asked to read out loud, it was turn of Melody (at this point i hope you understand that i am not taking the real names), and in the history of real world clichés (or at least I remember it as such), I had just started to pay attention to it and she read “Marseilles”. I did not know that word back then and was literally awestruck! So that was it! Nobody could read Marseilles so beautifully.
*annoyed reader* -“hey man, how could you not know the word Marseilles? Stop trying to make up a story!!”
me -“Honestly, I wasn’t so good at literary skills back then, even now I have to hire a guy to write all of this stuff, and so I fell for her at “Marseilles” (You can figure out the level dumbness here)”.
Speaking of Melody, she was one of the popular girl I talked earlier and as I started exploring new ways to get her into liking me and knowing more of her I realized that there were already a decent number of boys who were also having a crush on her (So, I didn’t even have to think of taking chances). Hence this one did not last very long. Eventually, after realizing that I had zero chance with Melody, I developed a crush with another girl that I also had zero chance with. This girl was umm I cannot find a good adjective for her but she was pretty cool. And she got along with everyone, she was nice with everyone and so she was nice with me too and that is exactly where you think “Oh she’s so nice to me, I think she likes me or I think I like her maybe, we both like each other, maybe I should call her right now” I realized I didn’t have a cell (Just the moment when god decides to save you from being extra-pathetic). After that we got along very good and she turned out to be very good at doing homework, I think I did get a chance to get a relief from homework but as I said KID! I wanted to be nice and ended up doing her homework as well and more frequently most of her friends’ too! Everything seems great at first but as time passes by you can see the dull side of it. Also that I was not the only one to be trying to impress her (you have to face competition everywhere in life, kids). Later I realized that it was nothing like I had expected and I found out that she liked someone else. So I accepted my defeat there yet again (second time now, even the stupidest kid would realize that it’s out of his league).
Next up, I had to go in a different school for high school education, it was different. Life was hard already and it was going to be no less hard and to get into some girl would’ve been the last thing I should do during the final years of my school. But fuck it! So there was this girl whom everyone in the class talked about, at first it didn’t matter to me I was focused on my studies. So this girl was not so great in studies or outstandingly athletic, she was more or less average in everything and I didn’t have a crush on her first. I was surprised with the fact that there wasn’t much of competition there as nobody really dared enough to try and go speak to her. Which basically meant that when I go speak to her I would be nothing more than friends and accepted it that way, we got along pretty well (I think till here, I perform like a pro and this performance graph gradually descends till null). But I liked it more as friends. If now I were to develop a crush on her, despite knowing that nothing really progressed between us and that was for a good reason too, it would be my greatest example of dumb! We didn’t have anything much in common. As school got over, we drifted apart and that was the last encounter of me having a crush.